Recently, I came across a list of 22 trends men hate. #18 really caught my eye:

#18. Knock-Off Bags | “We can tell. Cut it out.”

Finally someone had the cojones to admit this!

Of course men can tell the difference between genuine designer articles and counterfeit facsimiles. It’s a sixth sense men are born with but rarely publicize because it makes us sound gay. Duh.

Naturally, women rely on a similar sixth sense about men. For example, when a woman encounters a certain specimen of middle-aged man behind the wheel of a European sports car, she makes one of three conclusions: (a) he’s driving a midlife crisis-mobile, (b) he’s compensating for a microscopic penis, or (c) all of the above. (Similarly, women know to avoid men with delusional comb-overs or small feet.)

Our sixth sense operates just like airport security. When our X-ray brains detect your suspicious package as faux, we tag you as a security risk and put you on our secret no-fly list.

Also, we draw the following reasonable conclusions:

Basically, if you’re willing to lie about a dumb bag, what else will you lie to us about? Your age? I.Q.? Bra size? ATM password?

That’s the real reason men hate knock-off bags. Real men know that real women always buy authentic designer bags.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, the true character of a woman is measured not by her words but by the authenticity of her handbag and its contents.

Amen.